A Matter of Comparison
by arenaCeous
Summary: oneshot  "Did it ever occur to you, just once, that she may have been mine too?" Who else could you love, if not your bestfriend? A story of friendship and sacrifice.


**A/N:** So it's been exactly 5 years and 1 month since I last posted anything. This is an idea that struck me at approximately 530pm yesterday evening. I typed out the dialogue and expanded from there. It all sprang from this one line

"Did it ever occur to you that I might have loved her too?

I dedicate this story to Philyra912, whose stories have inspired me to write again after so long; and to my sister in everything but blood Ophelietta, who inspires me always. I recommend that you check out their work, they are amazing writers.

**Disclaimer:** I do not, nor will I ever own Harry Potter. Cheers to J.K. Rowling though Enjoy the story folks.

*****

"What the bloody hell is your problem?" Ron exhaled in frustration; "you've been moping about for days and I figured you'd get over whatever was bothering you so we could celebrate this day together."

Harry hung his head in shame and stared at his shiny black dress shoes knowing fully well that he'd be incapable of fulfilling this part of his duty as best mate. He wanted to tell Ron to shove off, demand that he be left alone in his misery. Instead all he said was "It's your wedding day mate, not mine. It's your right to celebrate." _No, certainly not mine _Harry grimaced at the thought, barely processing the words spewing out of Ron's mouth.

"I don't understand why you can't just plaster on a smile, at least just for today. I'm about to marry the love of my life!"

The next words out of his mouth were ones he knew he would regret for the rest of his life. He was unable to stop himself though, as he began unraveling his biggest secret, one he swore he would die with. "Did it ever occur to you, just once, that she may have been mine too?'

How could she not have been? Who else could you love, if not your bestfriend? It crept up on Harry, slowly, unnoticed until one day it hit him full force; the harsh realization that she was everything to him, and that he was too late. The day Ron left them in the Forest of Dean, he was momentarily filled with an exhilarating feeling of elation - she had chosen him. Following that came the painful stabs of guilt upon realizing that his best friend had just left them. Harry never knew what it was like to feel someone's pain until he was forced to listen her cry night after night. Everyday he prayed for Ron's return, and when that day came his heart dropped so hard into his stomach that he hoped Voldemort's execution would be swift, painless and soon; because in that moment he knew what he had to do. He watched Ron succumb to silent tears after destroying the Horcrux, and then slowly braced himself to tell the only lie he had ever told his friend.

The look of shock on Ron's face was unmatched by anything he had ever seen before in their 9 years of friendship. Between the look of anger and betrayal the day his name came out of the Triwizard cup, and the dumbstruck disbelief as they watched Voldemort fall, he thought he had seen it all; until this day.

"I don't understand." Ron's voice harsh and quiet, stinging him like a slap across the cheek. He knew Ron understood what his words meant though, how could he not? His gaze still focused on his shoes, he braced himself for the anger that was coming for him. "You lied. In the forest - after I bloody well_ saved your life_ - when you said you loved her like a sister, you lied."

"Yeah. I guess I did." He muttered, unable to offer anything more than that feeble reply.

"Why?"

Mustering up all the courage he had, Harry looked up, stared him straight in the eye and told him "because I love you more."

Silence followed, unsure of how to respond Ron stood there and just stared at his best friend, wondering if this was really happening – if they were actually having this conversation, on his wedding day. "Does she know?" Ron finally asked in a timid, broken voice He prayed that the answer would be yes; that she knew and she still chose him; because _what if_ – what if everything he feared was true; and she only chose him because she didn't know any better.

"Not a chance." Harry muttered, a hint of bitterness in his voice, and with those three words Ron felt his heart break. He would have to live with that sliver of doubt, knowing she could have had better and all she got was him. He'd spend the rest of his life wondering if he should have relinquished his claim on her, wondering if she could have been have happier.

"Will she ever?"

Harry cast his gaze back down to his shoe, feeling exhausted from his confession, this day, their wedding. "Not unless you tell her."

"I won't." No truer words were ever spoken. He was much too selfish to let her go. He knew she would be in his life forever the moment she belittled him on the train; and without a doubt was certain she had to be his in fourth year, the moment he realized someone else could easily take her away from him.

"Then no, she'll never know. I promise"

The silence that passed between them was deafening, ten minutes of nothing but staring at each other, trying to convey emotions that were impossible to put into words. Saying all he had to say Ron turned and walked away, refusing to stand there and fester in the guilt of causing his best friend's unhappiness. Another five minutes and he was sure he'd do something noble and stupid like step aside and let the two people he loved most in the world be happy. He wasn't strong enough for that.

"You still gonna marry her?" Harry asked, already knowing what his answer would be.

He stopped walking, not bothering to turn around. "Of course."

"Why?" Harry asked.

"Because I love her most," and with those words he walked towards the castle grounds, his heart aching from the sudden shift in their seemingly unwavering friendship.

Harry watched Ron go, and stood there for another ten minutes unsure of what his next move would be. He looked towards the castle where Hermione was getting ready, wondering whether he could stand to see her, talk to her without breaking his promise to Ron. Slowly he trudged up to the castle, through the doors, pondering what his last words would be to her; his last words while she was still their girl and not Ron's wife.

Knocking on the door of the empty classroom that served as the ladies' dressing room, Harry was met with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

"Hi Harry," Hermione smiled, ushering him into the room, which upon entering, he realized was empty. "Ginny and our mothers are waiting down for me in the Great Hall, it's almost time" she clapped her hands in excitement. "Why aren't you with Ron?"

He had no words, all he could do was stare mutely at her, afraid that if he opened her mouth he would ruin her life. Carefully planning out his words, he sighed sadly and placed both his hands on her shoulders, before pulling her into a tight embrace. Pulling back he smiled at her, told her she was beautiful, and that she would always be his best friend.

"Oh Harry Potter," Hermione sighed with a smile while attempting to flatten the disaster that was his hair, "I will always love you."

"More than you love Ron?" Again, no control, no filter; Maybe, just maybe she would say yes.

Hermione smile faltered, taken aback by his words. She was expecting a response somewhere along the lines of "I love you too," but not this. She wasn't prepared for this.

"I'm marrying Ron today." Was all she could say and Harry knew, he_ knew_ that she felt the same way he did.

"That doesn't answer my question."

"I know," she said softly, giving him the saddest smile he had ever seen; and with a soft kiss on his cheek, Hermione turned on her heel and marched out. Just like he did with Ron, he stood in silence and watched her go before following her out onto the grounds where he took his rightful place at Ron's side as his best man.

The music began to play, and his heart began to beat faster. He watched her gracefully float down the aisle, her eyes lighting up at the sight of her two favourite men in the whole world. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out the rings and clutched them as tight as he could in his hands. It was time to do what he was born to do, fulfill his obligation to everyone else but himself; save the wizarding world from destruction, stand by his best friend as he marries the love of his life. It was all the same.

"I love you mate." Ron whispered, knowing it was the only consolation he could offer him; the only thing he was willing to give.

Harry loosened his grip on the rings before shooting Hermione one last smile. There was so much more he wished he could have said; but all he had left was just that one smile and so he tried with all his might, to convey all his messages in it. I'm happy for you. Best wishes. I love you.

_Goodbye._

Blinking back this tears he cleared his throat, nodded his head, and patted Ron on the back.

"I know."


End file.
